Pineapple Express Fanfic Final

Prince of WEED

The sun just peaks itself over the horizon setting the crystal clear waters and white beaches alight with a haze of orange, while a skinny Jamaican male (who looks surprisingly like Bob Marley) sits on the trunk of a palm tree, with nothing but a pair of black jeans on. He is too busy rolling up a joint to notice a heavy set six foot four black guy approaching him. He turns to face to man…

“What is it Etan” he asks in a heavy Jamaican accent

Bowing he replies “your shipment from Cuba has arrived Prince Bob Narley, or should I say king since you’re being crowned today” he says playfully, though straitens quickly as he gets no response to his joke “the shipment is being moved into your private chambers as we speak sir” returning to his original serious tone.

“Good come sit down and chill with me” having finished rolling while Etan was talking he now held it to his lips lit it and inhaled.

“Of course sir” taking his place beside him on the trunk they pass the joint between each other until the joint was gone and their day had gotten off to the perfect start.

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Now in his room after eating breakfast Bob opens the door to his secret stash to look over his newly purchased ‘merchandise’ though stopping before entering the room, seeing a picture of his old American friends back when they used to live with him in Kingston. “Saul and Red I wonder what those two are up to?” he thinks to himself quickly reminiscing in good memories. He then continues on his business entering his secret stash when he feels a tug on his leg, looking down he has just enough time to see a thin wire pulled taunt against his jeans, while connected to a grenade.

“FUCK!!!”  He screams while diving and trying to shut the door at the same time.

He lands flat on his face and stomach while the door is blasted back open with the spray of shrapnel and splinters of wood fly everywhere over his exposed back. Dusting himself off and pulling bits of wood from his dreads and obviously a little rattled Etan bursts through the door sprinting as fast as any legs would be able to carry his massive frame.

“Holly FUCK! Are you OK?” rushing to Bob side and helping him away from the wreckage

“Yeh man, what the fuck was that about?”

“Your uncle Shaggy has framed you for the murder of the your father the King of Jamaica! And is now trying to kill you off!” helping Bob to his bed he starts grabbing cloths from his draws and closet and begins packing them in a suitcase. “You need to get away from Jamaica or you’re as good as dead” chucking Bob a blue long-sleeved shirt he zips up the suitcase “put that on and some shoes we’re going to the airport”

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Bob still a bit dazed did as he was told and left without thinking too much of it, only until he got to the airport did he realise…

“HOLLY FUCK ALL MY WEED!!!!” grabbing Etan and his luggage he screamed “WE GOT TO GO BACK AND GET IT, I ain’t going anywhere without my weed!!!” quietening down towards the end as he realised there were people around.

“You can’t go back your uncle will kill you!” Etan responded grabbing Bob by his shirt and dragging him through to the flight desk. While Bob fought desperately Etan was hardly even trying, dragging him along the ground like a child.

 “Ok where do you want to go?” the lady asked cheerfully at the front desk.

“What’s your earliest flight?” Etan asked quickly hurry in every aspect of his voice.

 “Our earliest flight is to America *P.E Setting* at 11:30” She replies

“Perfect” Etan replied “don’t you have some mates that live around there?”

“Yeah” Bob answered in a better mood

After getting the ticket he said his goodbyes to Etan, then headed off to America thinking “they better have some good WEED over there or I’d rather take my chances here”

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Touching down he gave Saul a call as soon as he was off the plane.

“Hello *cough* *cough*” a husky voice returned over the phone. “*who’s that?*” another in the background asked.

“Hello, Saul its Bob, from Jamaica remember… you, me and Red man!?”

“Boooobbb” Saul replied in his usual spaced out tone. “Fucking cocksicle. Bob man what the hell are you doing calling me? Is this a prank?”

“I’m here in *P.E setting*, I’m at the airport now!”

“Holly purple headed warrior, me and Dale will be there to pick you up soon hold on” Saul replied. Then left with Dale immediately

After waiting for 10 minutes Saul and Dale arrived to pick up Bob, it was apparent that they were both super high. After getting the greetings out of the way he got in the car and they started driving.

“So what brings you to our little slice of heaven?” Dale asked

“Well my father’s dead and my uncles trying to murder me, so… yeah” Bob retorted

Saul and Dale looked at each other as if to say “what the fuck am I supposed to say to this man?”

Before the others could speak Bob said “what I need right now is some top quality weed”

Saul and Dale looked at each other and smiled “that my man” Saul said “is one thing we know how to do!” pulling out a cross joint Dale began to light it up.

“What’s in that?” Bob asked

“Pineapple express my man *cough* the rarest weed *cough* known to man” Saul answered while Dale coughed the last bit of the smoke out.

It came around and now it was Bob’s turn, all he was thinking was “damn guess I don’t have to worry about going back to Jamaica for the weed”